#58 - almost as a.d.d as Weezer's El Scorcho

Tonight I am filled with random thoughts so I apologize for the chaotic expulsion of words.

(my random mood also inspired the random pictures... one is a newly completed blue beanie - accomplished while on a school field trip. The other is a very discouraged me while trapped in a park bathroom.)

I am full of the cravings: craving to go to a sweet, huge concert and dance until my feet hurt and my body flails just enough to be awkwardly close to those around me. I am going to a Vetiver concert in a few weeks, but something tells me this indie band (amazing as it is) won't help me release my dancing bursts. Right now I can't get enough of the concerts (I like them best, currently, when they are free). Also, tacos.

I want to be one of those people. You know the kind that feels okay going to concerts or to dinner alone. Why not? Why feel weird and lonely? OWN IT! "What of it. I'm here for the music, man. Be jealous of my self dubbed power." Currently, I need to call about three friends to get outside approval that I am cool enough to pull it off before I venture out.

Whatever happened to meeting new people? Freshman year I was all about the random knocking on people's apartments and making new friends. I was full of a ridiculous amount of energy and couldn't get enough of people. Now... I'm the person who has my friends, likes my friends, am satisfied with my social life and don't care to expand. It's not that I'm anti-social. The opposite, in fact, by anyone's definition. I'm just content with the bounds of my circle. Sad, but I guess that's what comes with old age; marked by the removal of my parental-mooching medical insurance. Welcome to the adulthood cave of social satisfaction.

If you read below this entry, you will discover that I have recently gone grocery shopping. It was an incredibly exciting and rewarding experience. I have ran across a problem though: I am afraid to actually eat the food. It looks so glorious and delicious, but if I eat it, I won't have it anymore. I want to keep the food in it's perfectly preserved state forever! I bought two artichokes. Maintaining their artichokish properties, they need to be eaten right away. If I eat one, I'll only have one left. Okay, I can deal with that, but then I can't eat the other one because then I will have none and I will be sad. This goes for all the food in my house. I don't want it to be gone... begging the question - what else is food good for, but to eat? Having the food around, knowing that I can eat it and that it is comfortingly by my side is a pleasant feeling. Eat the food = kill the feeling.

I love school. Correction: I love learning. If I could just audit every class and not have to worry about grades, life would be superbly blissful. Alas, the existence of tests, quizzes and dread. Notice I didn't put papers; I like writing papers - therefore, this school attribute will remain in my self proclaimed perfected collegiate program. I'm a little sad that I can't take more classes and that graduation is swiftly approaching, with my enrollment in only two classes in the summer. If I could, I would take Theory, a few culinary arts classes, more humanities classes, and a few philosophy classes. Again, for auditing purposes only - purely to fill the file cabinets in my mind.

I pretend I am more crafty than I am. I either need to tone down the awesomeness of my skills, or expand the limits of those skills. And why is crocheting hobo gloves so dang hard? Do we really need all four fingers AND a thumb. Jeez.