#47 - a need for a blog and the meaning of men

Research has shown that putting feelings into words helps ease the mind. It seems to me that we all already knew that. Poetry, lyrics, books, diaries; "when you put feelings into words, you are turning on the same regions in the brain that are involved in emotional self-control." So this almost gives rationalization for my middle-school behavior. Doodling a crushes' name over and over, writing poems about my feelings and blogging (vlogging) about my emotions and thoughts regulates distress. Putting feelings into words has been observed to affect the portion of the brain that dampens negative emotions. At the same time, there is a decrease is the part of the brain that processes feelings about relationships and emotions like fear, rage and aggression. So when I feel upset, it explains why I feel it necessary to make lists and write journals of my thoughts. Hence, a new outlet for me, blogging. I also love notebooks; I collect them (especially those moleskins. They are the perfect size). Sometimes I like them being so clean and perfect that I don't like to write in them... but that's just silly. I have a journal for my random thoughts, a spiritual journal for insights, a magazine I make monthly summarizing that month's activities, my regular blog, a music blog, and then there's the occasional random essay I write to get a lot of ideas and emotions out.

It's surprising how influential this movie was on me. "He's just not that into you" is brutally honest and I think they are right on. To make ourselves feel better, women come up with every excuse possible. "He probably hasn't called because he's at the gym" or "maybe he's taking a nap" or "maybe his phone died and he doesn't remember my number" or "maybe he wants to but is just nervous" are just the one's I've used. Face the facts... he's just not that into you. My favorite is the break up excuses: "You're perfect for me, I'm just not good enough for you." or "You didn't do anything wrong, I just am not ready to be committed to anyone right now, but I really really like you." If a guy really likes you, he'll make the effort and you'll know. Every other excuse is a cop-out. My cousin wrote an article for the church that I really liked that explains this a lot better than I can, but this is me agreeing. Sadly, I don't think that knowing all of this will change my behavior instantly. I am aware of what's going on now at least, but that won't stop me from being a girlie girl. Maybe eventually it will seep into me, consume me, become me.

Also, today I seem to be a cat with my whiskers cut off. I ran my hand into the kitchen counter twice and into a desk once. I cut the corner too close once today leaving my room and then again walking into class. I tripped over myself walking through Walmart and tripped over someone's bag going to sit at my desk in class. Where is my body and what is it doing? So, today I'm a little off, but hopefully that box of clearance Valentine's chocolates I just bought myself will help me get my sync back.