#19 - a great divide of desire

There are no words. Actually, I'm experiencing a little bit of word vomit because of the intensity of the situation. So here it is: I feel like I need to give some background information before springing this on you. I don't like squirrels. No one should. They are satanic demons of the dark underworld. They offer no benefit to the world and only instill fear and dread. They stalk you. They scurry all over really fast with their sharp little nails attached to their creepy feet. They attack people (just watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for proof). They plot against man-kind (haven't you ever seen that car commercial where the squirrels run that car off the road and then give evil handshakes??) They carry rabies. They teased my dog maliciously for years. They are just bad all over and I don't like them. Despite my hatred of them, the kind-hearted person within can not actually harm them (even though every instinct I have tells me to). I once was faced with a situation, driving in my car at night when a squirrel ran in front of my car and I swerved. I swerved!

This all brings me to tonight's events. We were all sitting in our living room. "KNOCK KNOCK" none of us wanted to answer it because, well....we are lazy. We yelled, "come in!" and after no response, Holly (my roommate) got up to answer it. Clipped to our front door was none other than a dead squirrel. My body was faced with a divide of desire. I was utterly grossed out and screamed!! I couldn't look at it. It was SO gross! But then, a part of me was almost relieved that there was one less of them in the world to terrorize me. I felt a little happy (and then immediately guilty for the happiness). We don't know who it was, but the whole evening's events were very confusing. My body has never felt so contradicted.