#140 - digestive disgrace

What a terrible night for eating! I wasn't really hungry tonight and just wanted small munchies. I decided to try popcorn chicken for the first time. Apparently, spices are needed, because I just dipped bits of chicken in egg and then in flour and deep fried it. Very gross. I couldn't even cook my third batch and didn't eat the second batch. SPICES I NEED! After that I wanted some delicious liquid in my mouth, so I opened the fridge and noticed I had some chocolate milk in the fridge. I took a swig and what do we find? Tangy bubbly SPOILED! Super gross; I had even swallowed a lot. I tried to immediately over compensate with all the good tasting, easily accessible things in my fridge: grape juice, carrots and chocolate frosting. I felt sick.

crispy flour egg chicken + sour chocolate milk + grape juice + chocolate frosting + carrots = why did I even bother getting my flu shot last week if I'm just going to kill myself anyway.

I would like a crepe with fruit now please. Thank you.

#139 - studio 209

My decorating and moving furniture phase seems just about over. It's not big, by any means, but it's a perfect tide-over for the next seven months. It's comfortable, smells good, and all mine! This is me: nestled and settled in...

#138 - deep and dark

Last weekend I went adventuring again! There seems to be only a few more adventure days left, as the weather is getting crisper and wetter. I went with 17 new friends to "Smith's Crack" about 30 minutes outside of Boise. I really love caving! Being inside the earth, in such a dark, hidden place... it's very exhilarating. I love climbing around and discovering new tunnels and crevices. My brother is, hopefully, on the verge of finding a sweet new cave in Washington, which I will be excited to explore with him.

I think the trickiest cave excursion I've had thus far was called the "Birth Canal" (it wasn't in Smith's Crack). It consisted of a tube, roughly 200 yards long. You had to have your arms above you, because of the tightness (laying down, there was a wall inches from your nose, and inches from the left and right sides of your body). To get through, you had to methodically move your heels, knees, butt, back, shoulders, head, repeat. You inch-wormed your way through to a 90 degree corner, which opened up into a small room. After hanging out in there, you went back, inching along. Once you reached the end of the tunnel, you had to hang down, head first for about 5 feet, until you could reach the ground with your hands and hand-stand your self free. GIVE ME MORE!

#137 - girls are weird

There's no denying, I am a girl - through and through. I've got the emotions down to an art, for starters. Two summers ago, I went with the Siemers on their Oregon Coast trip. During one of the rainy nights, Sami and I cozied up in one of the yurts and started watching "An Affair to Remember". It was the first time I had seen this Cary Grant classic and didn't know what to expect. Through out the duration of the film, I was verging on tears because of the connection and romance between the two main characters. It wasn't until the end, the very last scene, that I broke down in tears, "Run to her! She loves you! She can't get up! UGH!" I remember Carolyn (mom Siemers) came in during that highly emotional scene and laughed at my obvious girlish tendencies. I was home one night, cooking, and decided to put on a movie in the background. It had been over a year since I had scene the movie, so I had it playing, but wasn't paying much attention. I wasn't invested in the story this time and was more focused on my baking. With it finishing in the oven, I sat on my bed and watched that very last scene. Within seconds, I was in tears, my heart instantly warmed when I saw their love and relief.

It reminded me of a time, when I had just started high school and went to my grandma's house after school. I had started the movie "Dead Poets Society" and was already to the climactic scene. Tears were streaming down my face when my mom arrived to take me home. I composed myself, took the movie home, immediately popped it in our VCR and instantly, the tears were flowing as if there wasn't a 15 minute intermission.

I remember teasing my mom when I was young about how she cried all the time, at things I wouldn't even feel that emotional about. As history proves, in this aspect for sure, I am turning into my mother.

#136 - the future

While I was in college, I thought about the future, but not with a lot of worry because, well, it was the future. When romantically fantasizing with girlfriends, everything seemed so magical because, it was the future. We are starting a new computer system at work and received training the other day. If a key component was missing, we would bring it to their attention, and they would inform us that it was to come in the next upgrade. When is it going to be released? In the future. Whenever I see something fancy or cool, I call it, "The Future".

It's hard to tell if this fantasy is solely based on movies: depicting the future as this great and wonderous time, when things you desire are brought to pass, the girl gets the guy, technology allows us to fly and have the world readily available at our fingertips. It's a time of complete possibilities, no limits or boundaries. If something is unpleasant now, it will be perfected in the future. But if it's always in the future, when will the future be my now?!

#135 - how am i not myself?

I suppose I'm one of those people... I'm into bands that most people haven't heard of. I can listen to music for hours, staring into space and living the lyrics in my imagination. The enveloping daze of a broken heart consumes me into unseen depths. The utter bliss of the idea of a new love fills my mind with day dreams and turns my life into a musical. The melancholy ecstasy of an indie film grabs my attention and emotion. I eat hummus and pesto and like it. I pretend to enjoy drinking tea, which, by my combination, ends up being lemon-flavored-honey-water. And I can make fun of myself for it =)

I indulged this evening and went to see 500 Days of Summer for the second time. The first time, I went with a few friends who didn't care for the film and I was more consumed with appeasing them than developing an opinion of the movie. I had been looking forward to this movie for months was wasn't satisfied with my experience. I decided tonight to see it again, but this time, alone. And you know what? I really loved it! I loved Tom's heights and depths. It reminded me so much of myself and my own relationships. I loved Summer's honesty and independence. I related a lot to both of the main characters. I often put my life into movies and lyrics... romanticize my day-to-day.

I am looking forward to the Sundance Film Festival in Park City. I hope I can actually make it... financially. Currently there are quite a few interestings:

Cold Souls

Adam

Paper Hearts

The Informant

#134 - sneaking around cyberspace

When I first moved into my studio, I tried to get online, only to find that everyone in my building locked their wireless. For the first few days in Boise, I would ride my bike downtown and use the Internet in a wireless cafe. After the purchase of a smoothie and a banana, I would surf for about an hour, then start being physically productive. One morning though, I woke to find that one person in my building forgot to lock their wireless Internet. I mooched off that for about a week. It was glorious! I could wake up and check my mail, apply for jobs, and search for new music. I was hoping and hoping he wouldn't remember and block me out. Probably a new move in who just set it up...

Next thing I knew... the door was closed. I hit my old Internet cafe again, and actually found a couple other places where I wouldn't have to pay for food first. It wasn't so bad, I didn't miss the luxury too much. When ever I knew I would be driving around a lot, I would take my laptop and have it open in the passenger seat with the wireless scan open. If I glanced over and saw an unlocked network, I would pull over momentarily and check my mail, etc. I was diving around one particular time last Monday. I stopped in a neighborhood and saw an unlocked network titled "GET YOU'RE OWN!"... this guilted me into not using their wireless, but the feeling quickly dissipated when I found another unlocked network in the next neighborhood titled "Jon and Lisa's". They were nice and shared with me.

I recently went home to visit for the weekend and after I came home, what do we find? Hello friends. I'm in my pajamas. It's 10:00 at night. I'm listening to music. I'm tired. I'm home. And I'm ONLINE! Thank you new forgetter... thank you.

#133 - imagine

You can tell what having the time of my life does for my blog up-keep. Out of my usual routine, but here is a post for you! For the past 3 weeks, I have been loving life. I'm moved into my place, all set up and cozy. I really like it and the more and more I'm in it, doing my own independent thing, the more I like it. I've been enveloped in the par of Boise life: bike rides along the Green Belt (a beautifully scenic path along the Boise River), swimming in lakes, etc....

My friends here feel like they've been friends for life... This past weekend I went with said friends to a small town (Declo) where I dove down a 500 foot slip and slide, yee-hawed my voice away at a rodeo (complete with plaidish shirt and a belt buckle), and played all over mountains and boulders in City of Rocks.

IMAGINATION GAME:

If you're wondering what I'm doing out here... picture me standing alone in a large white room. Now, bing in a million people around me; smiling and hugging me. Now add a waterfall in the background. Now paint the room a happy yellow. Now add those thought bubbles above my head. Fill one with money to pay bills, fill another with a cute little space/studio of my own, fill another with a heart, fill another with a happy face. Now picture a phone in my hand talking to my loving, supportive family. That is Boise me...

#132 - the big two two

As part of my birthday celebrations, I went with six new friends to Stanley for camping and playing at the hot springs and Red Fish Lake. It's about a three hour drive and is not only a gorgeous scenic drive, but a stunning destination. We left Boise around 11 pm so didn't get to the site till around 1:30 am (we stopped a little before Stanley to camp, then drove the rest of the way on saturday). We stayed up until about 3:00 am, just talking and looking at the stars. I'm not a morning person for the first 10 minutes of being awake... but after that, it was great! Unfortunately, this first picture was unknowingly snapped during those ten minutes. We had a pretty good breakfast, took off for the hot springs, then spent the rest of the day, till about 5:30, at the lake.

A wonderful birthday: being surrounded by friends and nature; glorious weather, sunshine and water. I added an album to my photos if you want to see more.

#131 - friends to speak of

When I arrived in Boise a week ago friday, I didn't know anyone, had no friends and no connections. I went to church my first sunday to the wrong ward, so I didn't meet anyone that sunday either. Enter stage left: Monday.

Monday was my first FHE in my new ward. I began by calling the FHE co-chairs to get some information and I ended up talking with one (Toby) for a while on the phone as he got to know me and I got to know the ward through him. I drove to the activity with the other co-chair (Kim) so that I wouldn't get lost. When I arrived, I was perfectly whelmed by new friends asking me lots of questions and eager to get to know me. Every single person I talked to (and I talked to every single person) was pleasantly nice, including, loving, and excited to be my friend. They all remembered my name and wanted me to feel a part of the ward (which I did! In every sense of the word). We went floating down the Boise river and had smores at the park afterwards. I was invited back to a new friend's house to hang out and watch a movie. The most fun I've ever had as my first night in a new town. I was out that night till 2 AM and loved every minute. What was that I said about not having friends? I can't recall....

All the rest of last week was equally as glorious:

dates - out to breakfast - a dance - institute - late nights at ihop - never in before 2 AM - pool party - lunch with friends - the zoo - playing with family - staying up talking with friends.

My landlady even commented how I'm gone all day and only stop in for 5 minutes at a time before I'm off with someone else."I thought you didn't know anyone? How does someone make friends that fast..." And right when a friend came over for a bike ride, my landlady drove past in the parking lot, smiled and said, "Stop pretending to have so many friends!"

Did I mention I'm so glad I moved to Boise and how much I love it here? Because I am and I do.

#130 - a wink

I now see the personality of inanimate objects. I watched this video the other day about the personality of New York City. It made me miss living on the east coast, but also, evidently, opened my imagination to the object faces around me. I was driving down the freeway this morning and was following a large white company van. The back of the van opened up with two doors and had two large windows above each handle. One of the windows was painted over in white to match the truck. It looked like it was winking at me. I smiled shyly, looked around to see if there could be anyone else the truck could be winking at, and then, winked back.

#129 - A.A.

I'm sitting outside right now at one of those internet cafes. It's about 95 degrees today and bake-able hott. There are two guys sitting next to me who I find rather entertaining. During breaks from finding jobs and organizing my resume... I listen in:

Hair: "So I went down to Jerry's yesterday and didn't drink"

Shades: "Yea I've been sober for 4 months now"

Hair: "It feels so good.... It's like, have I been doing something wrong before? It's a crazy feeling"

Shades: "Yea, It's nice just relaxing and and not having a pounding headache. It's just, quiet, you know when you're not hung over."

Hair: "It's great for work too. They ask you question after question and you gotta be able to think clearly. Focused. It's so much easier sober."

Shades: "My job requres me to wake up and be there at 9 am. Not drinking the night before... it's so much easier to function. Makes you not want to go back."

Hair: "It's so weird..."

Back to my job search and intermittent book reading. Glorious sunshine.

#128 - Enlow knows

Staring up at the sky, black as night.

The pinholes let the light in one at a time.

And I wonder why I'm leaving this place; everyone I know and love behind.

Everyone has to make it on their own, wondering if I can make it on my own.

Here on out, where ever I go, I will call my home.

With the sound out of sight, I climbed the hills and and the could of mist of water from the moat behind me waves goodbye.

I clear the crest, the rain turns into sunlight and I wonder why life is so allegorical.

Everyone has to make it on their own; wonder if I can make it on my own.

Here on out, where ever I go I will call my home.

We were so young and we didn't know what to want.

Now that I'm grown, I still don't know what to want, but I know I don't want to want anymore.

Stared up at the sky black as night,

The pinholes let the light through one at a time

I wonder why I've left my home, only to find my home.

Everyone has to make it on their own. Wonder if I can make it on my own.

Here on out, where ever I go, I will call my home.

I will call my home. Gonna make it on my own.

#127 - keep on keepin' on

Last Friday morning was officially my last day as a student and a resident of Rexburg. I left my binders behind and took off for Boise.

Graduation was a blast! My friends and family came, supporting me and taking loads of pictures so I could remember forever the day I officially am allowed to sign my name: Vanessa Park, B.S. (do people do that?). I attended an alumni dinner where I stood and was welcomed to the society that is badgered for money. Off to Commencement where I felt the camaraderie of hundreds of other graduates that are a little freaked out about their future plans. One more stop, at Convocation where I received an empty diploma case... they're double checking that I passed all my classes this last semester. It was loads of fun, as I'm sure you can tell from the pictures.

Loading up the car was a feat in itself, even with two cars - it looked nearly impossible. Snugly, we drove the 4 and a half hours and filled my tiny new apartment with bits of me to make it feel more... mine. Besides holding back tears when we first started moving in, I felt pretty good. I'm just not at all ready to live alone, be an adult, and be independent. I still want the love and company of friends and family, but sadly... they will all be gone tomorrow morning. Then the real adventure begins. Still searching for a job, but I feel good about the life I've imagined for myself here. Wish me luck and please send me adult thoughts and vibes.

#126 - i will 'i do'... just later.

I don't feel rushed. I don't feel panicked. I don't feel envious. I don't feel worried. I don't feel insecure. I don't feel old. I don't feel alone. I don't feel sad. I don't feel desperate. I don't feel anxious. I don't feel unwanted. I don't feel ugly. I don't feel crazy. I don't feel hopeless. I feel happy.

But I swear, if I have this conversation with one more person:

annoying: "So are you going to be here next semester?"

me: "No, I'm graduating actually!"

annoying: "Great! Are you married?"

me: "Nope"

annoying: "Do you have a man?"

me: "Nope"

annoying: "Well, better hurry up and get one!"

me: "hahah... yea."

I might feel like killing someone. I'm only 21, for pete's sake!

#125 - of shoes, of ships, of ceiling wax

I've never really ever had an interest. All I desired was one for fancy, one for too hot, one for snow, and the everyday. Maybe it's because I feel more womanly/feminine/adult, but I'm all of a sudden in love with shoes; especially high heels. The bright colors, the adorable styles and the way they make me feel. It's as if I've instantly transformed into, "Fancy-attractive-knows what she's doing-on a mission-confident-older-woman-lady" and I like it.

I stick to my favorite, tried and true, brands when it comes to the everyday comfortable/durable shoes. Fancy shoes though... those I can imagine having a lot of fun with!

For the everyday, I'm sticking with: Chuck Taylor's

and Vans:

But I'm loving the wide world of heels and pumps!

#124 - a brighter way to live

They are small, square, sticky and every glorious color you can imagine. Fond memories of elementary school prep; going to the store with my mom for the "back-to-school sales" and going down my 3rd grade check list to make sure I was ultra prepared for whatever Mrs. Smith could throw at me. The best part was coming home, dumping out all the bags and labeling "Vanessa Park" on everything with a black permanent marker. Loading up my backpack with all my clean, new, shiny supplies... I couldn't wait for the first day of school. I think, because it was so exciting and new, I have never lost my obsession and love of office supplies. Top on the list: Post-it Notes and Sharpies. I adore them. There have been multiple occasions when I have asked for those two items for birthday presents, which I can image, made my parents more than happy since they total a few bucks. I would post-it everything! Whenever I walk through the school bookstore, I stare longingly at the large, spiral stacks of bright, multi-colored post-it notes... wishing I had a few dollars to spare for an office supply splurge.

Then, I came across this video.

The perfect combination: Love and Post-it notes... a dream for me.

#123 - men are men

Doing drugs and drinking alcohol has never been of interest to me. I've never had to struggle with the decision to or not to drink. Except once, when a hot bass player asked if he could buy me a drink. And now, twice: I think it's a combination of the voice-over, sharply dressed classy men, the fact that they look like they are having such a good time, and the lighting. These men seem so suave and cool, and it makes me want to, first - be a man, and second - drink vodka. I won't... but still, this commercial gets major advertising props.

#122 - cartoon classics

I've been overwhelmingly disappointed as I have seen where Disney Channel and cartoons have gone. 99.99% of everything in those categories is now ridiculous, over-the-top, garbage with horrible acting. Growing up, I mainly stuck to: Smurfs, Captain Planet, Wishbone, Magic School Bus, Ninja Turtles, Reading Rainbow, Mr. Rogers and Tiny Toons. It's decided that any cartoons my children do watch, won't be on TV - they will be the "classic" cartoons found in my dvd collection. I'll probably throw in some Carebears or Gummybears too.

I LIKE IT...

I began thinking about this because this morning in my Microbiology class, we were discussing water treatment and purification processes. We walked through detailed descriptions of filtration systems and chemical additives to destroy harmful microbiotia. I understood the material easier than some other topics discussed because I remembered vividly an episode of the Magic School Bus I had seen as a child. Those educational programs really stay with you and I have to say, could be one of the first blocks in building an educated mind. School House Rock and other programming like that, I think, are completely beneficial and worth watching. This "Cheetah-Girls" nonsense needs to be swiftly and permanently eradicated.

Along with horrid new shows, the old happy shows have been transformed into creepy 3D animation. Sami and I had a planned relaxed Saturday morning a few weeks ago. We lazily woke up, sauntered into the living room where we had breakfast and watched morning cartoons. We saw on TV guide: Mickey Mouse's Playhouse, and expected our memories of Mickey Mouse cartoons to be before us. Instead, it was this bizarre new animation... very disconcerting and unwanted. We watched briefly to see if it would magically change back. When it didn't - we resorted to playing old school Mario World on her Nintendo.

IT'S WEIRD NOW...








It's like, the cool thing now is to make cartoon characters luminescent and bubbly...

#121 - shouting devotions

My bathroom has a voice. Every day, at different times during the day, her religious side breaks through and she sings hymns. I will come home and hear a mysterious noise. It is only after brief fear and investigation that I realize the radio in the bathroom started up again, playing a rendition of an uplifting song. I always feel a little bad going in and turning it off. I feel as though I'm killing the spirituality in there. "Hush, Bathroom! I don't want to hear about your religious devotions." It's a very sad time...

Today. Today was different. I got home after playing with a few lifelong friends and heard the bathroom singing again. I went down to turn the radio off when I heard something different. This was not gospel music...?! Those are the Shout Out Louds! One of my very favorite bands. I was so proud of my bathroom for playing such awesome music! Did she change her station from christian radio? How does she know just what to play to make my happy?! My bathroom and I have the same taste in music?! It was so exciting that I decided to leave the radio going. After my friends left, I went back to see if the next song this station played was just as awesome. I looked closely and saw the screen switch and say "Now Playing: Track 12"...

Yes, evidently we unknowingly switched it to be programed to play the CD automatically instead of the radio... it was a little disappointing to not have a musically supreme bathroom - but still exciting to know that at random times during the day, the Shout Out Louds will play in my house.